Negotiation tactics from a 3 year old
Tips on how to maximise the likelihood you’ll get the outcome you’re after in a negotiation.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that 3-year-olds are some of the best negotiators on the planet.
But what makes these adorable yet sometimes-testing-my-limits kiddiwinks so good at it?
In today’s blog post, we review four negotiation tactics that 3-year-olds have down to a tee.
Kick things off on the right note
When my daughter really wants something she doesn’t scream or shout for it…at least not initially. Normally she’ll ask nicely with a big fat please and Cheshire Cat grin on her face. And I can’t help but smile back at her (then plead she eats some broccoli before dessert).
Research shows that the first few minutes of a negotiation are crucial. So whether you are doing the talking or listening it’s important to be calm, assertive and positive. We mirror how the person opposite us speaks so your tone and manner are important to keep things going in a constructive direction and avoid a heated argument.
Reframe the request
When my daughter wants to watch TV she’s learned not to say “I want to watch something” because it rarely gets her the result she’s after.
Now she asks in a manner that focuses less on her and frames her request to be more about caring for the wants or needs of the other party.
“Mummy, do you want to watch something?” or “Mummy, can I watch something with you?”
By reframing a request we can change the way the other party views a situation and in turn, use that to overcome objections or find new solutions.
On this occasion, it was the latter (hurrah!) and we settled for reading The Gruffalo rather than watching it.
Make a connection before addressing differences
We’re back to the battle of broccoli. When my daughter wants to leave part of her dinner she’ll start by asking me if I like all the foods on the plate that she also likes, then move on to the areas of contention. For example:
“Mummy do you like salmon? I like salmon. It’s really yummy”
“Mummy do you like broccoli? You like broccoli, but I don’t like broccoli”
Why do we need to start with a connection? Because it makes us feel like we’re on the same side.
Always start with the areas of agreement so you can remind the group of the common ground before handling the difficult conversations.
Forget the rule book
By now you know that dinner times in my household involve a certain level of conversation, negotiation and pleading about the consumption of vegetables.
Daughter: “I don’t want this food, I want better food. Can I have a yoghurt”
Me: “After you finish your dinner, you haven’t eaten your vegetables”
Daughter: “I’ll eat my broccoli then I want one yoghurt”
Me: “You can have a yoghurt after you’ve eaten all your vegetables”
Daughter: “No I’ll eat two pieces of broccoli and then I want two yoghurts”
I did not see that one coming.
At that point, I realised I would have to forego the other vegetables and try to get back down to one yoghurt.
Negotiations are complicated but the worst ones tend to have one thing in common - they are predictable. Spice it up with a bit of variety and disruption, refuse to compromise, and voila you can have your cake yoghurt and eat it.
Wrap up
Negotiations are often hard to navigate, but you can close deals like a 3-year-old pro with these tips.
Start things off on a constructive and positive note
Ask questions or requests in a manner that highlights you are acknowledging the needs and/or wants of the other party
Find the common ground before managing challenging conversations
Add a bit of disruption to avoid predictable patterns of negotiation
And while you might get away with bribing a 3-year-old, remember that elsewhere there’s normally a zero-tolerance policy.
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Cover photo credit: Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash